Entire S*ul Family Beats Child!

A seven-year-old S*ul boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt who lives in Downpatrick, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the best degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents in Ballycruttle, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of deciding who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted custody to the S*ul Senior Football Team, whom he firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Ireland's poor show at World Cup!!

Eddie O'Sullivan asked Graham Henry after Ireland failed to get into the Quarters... 'Graham, What's the secret in selecting a great team?'. Pretty simple, replied Graham 'I picked my players for their intelligence and asked them just one question'.
'That simple?' said Eddie, 'Yep', replied Graham, 'pick one of my squad and see how he does'. Eddie thinks for a while then nominates Dan Carter. Graham calls him over & asks him, 'Who is the child of your Father & of your Mother who is not your Brother & is not your Sister?' 'Ah simple, Graham', says Dan, 'it's me'. 'Well done Dan', says Graham, & Eddie is very impressed.

Eddie returns to the Hotel & wonders about the intelligence of his team. He calls in Brian O'Driscoll and says to asks him 'Who is the child of your Father & of your Mother who is not your Brother & is not your Sister?' Brian thinks & thinks & doesn't know the answer. 'Can I think about it a bit more Eddie & I'll give you an answer tomorrow?'. 'Of course', says Eddie, 'you've got 24 hours. But it is very important that you come up with the answer'.

Brian goes away, thinks as hard as he can, & then he calls in his team mates..
Paul O'Connell thought it might be his Grandpa but wasn't sure.
Darcy was certain that it couldn't be anyone.
Peter Stringer refused to answer in case he was sacked for not knowing.
Isaac Boss owned up to having already failed the test and that's why he had to come to play for Ireland.
Andrew Trimble thought it would be an Uncle in England who had been adopted as a child.
Ronan O'Gara went into the fetal position.
The rest of the team wouldn't even hazard a guess.


20 hours later, Brian is very worried that he still has no answer with only 4 hours to go. Eventually, Brian thinks: I know, I'll ring Keith Wood; he's bloody smart, and will surely know the answer. He phones Keith. 'Keith, tell me, who is the child of your Father & of your Mother who is not your Brother & is not your Sister? Very simple says Keith, 'it's me'.


Of course, says Brian and rings Eddie. 'Eddie', I've got the answer: 'it's Keith Wood'.
'No, you idiot', says Eddie. 'It's Dan Carter.'

A Sound Poem

Perhaps the sweetest sound of all

Is Ash on Ball on Redbrick Wall

But maybe not, did I forget

Ash on Ball on Liatroim net.

MC 2007

Philleas Fogg off again!!

It is believed that the free women of the Parish were in mourning this week as local adventurer and journeyman, Jay 'wild and free' Sharvin is on the move.

Rumours circulating involve the BBC binning Michael McGarragle, and Jay logging and documenting his travels for the Corporation.

That should make interesting viewing.!!

GAA Humour

You'll already have read these in the Programme for the Park Opening but just in case you weren't there...

1) Pat Spillane, Colm O Rourke and Jarlath Burns are standing before God at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, " Before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in. Addressing Colm O Rourke first he asks, "What do you believe?"

O Rourke states passionately, " I believe Gaelic Football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many from the slums of East Tyrone to the Kingdom of Kerry. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to such people supporting their club and county." God looks up and offers Colm the seat to his left.

He then turns to Jarlath."And you, Mr. Burns, what do you believe?". Jarlath stands proud and tall, " I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals of life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits." God, moved by this speech offers Jarlath the seat to his right.

Finally, he turns to Pat Spillane. " And you, Mr. Spillane, what do you believe?"

"I believe", says Pat, "that you're in my seat".

And now for the hurling joke...no, not Ardsmen...but..

2. An Irishman was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Native American sitting in the corner in his tribal gear, long white plaits, and an incredibly wrinkled face. "Who's he", says Paddy, " " That's the Memory Man", said the bartender. "He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go on , try him out." So the Irishman goes over and thinking he'll know nothing about hurling, asks:

"Who won the 1996 Munster Semi Final played in the Gaelic Grounds?"

"Limerick", the Memory man replied.

"Who did they beat?" - " Clare" was the reply.

"And the score?" - "15 points to 1-13".

"Who scored the winning point?" - "Ciaran Carey" was the old man's reply.

The Irishman was knocked out by this and when he returned home, told all his friends and relatives about the amazing Memory Man.

Five years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually, he found the bar and there he was, sitting in the same seat. looking older and even more wrinkled. The Irishman was delighted to see him and, deciding to gret the Indian in his native tongue, approached him with the greeting, " How ".

"Solo Run out of the half back line", replied the Memory Man.

Bronagh the Ben Dearg Blue

Kilclief players have lined out in many of the country's top pitches....St. Malachys Park, Casement Park, Clones, Croke Park.... but Bronagh Conway recently made Club history when she trained with the St. Mary's Camogs and so became the first Ben Dearg member to play in ........Windsor Park!

Bootsy Boost

Good to see 'Bootsy' back in the red and green after a lengthy layoff. His Ballyvarley performance showed a bit of 'rustiness' but when he has a few games under his belt, opposing teams had better beware - Bootsy is Back!!

Watch Out -There's a Clio About

Locals Beware - rumour has it a "smashing" camog has just got her R plates - be on the lookout for a navy clio, beep beep!

Philly to Kilclief

Good luck to all the Kilclief contingent living in Philadelphia. I hear that Garoid Bright, Gerard Hynds, Stevie Hanna and not forgetting 'Gangy' will be logging onto the website to hear what's happening at home.

Scully and Edel

Congratulations to Gary Cull on his engagement to Edel. Best wishes for the future from everyone in the Club.

Engagement Congrats

Best Wishes from everyone in the Club to Phelim Sharvin and Tracey Woods on their recent engagement.

Overheard Lately.......

"I see Ardglass are getting Broadband - the next thing you know, they'll be getting a football team!" Anon

Sign of the Times: If only they lived in Kilclief!!

The grandchildren of two former Kilclief stars are currently featuring on the East Down Under 14 football development squad - unfortunately neither wear the red and green. Carryduff's Conall Early, grandson of 40s hurler Jim Swail and son of 80s camog, Mary is a member of the squad as is Bredagh's Declan O Hara, grandson of dual star, Brian Denvir R.I.P. and son of former Ben Dearg camog, Una. Its not just Kilclief that are affected as Bredagh's Cormac Hughes, son of former Ballycran hurler, Danny has also featured in the football development squad.

Engagement Congrats

Best Wishes to Julian Swail and Mary Polly and to Inga Swail and Danny Lunn on their respective engagements

More Camogs to Recruit

Congratulations to Nicky and Seamy Burns on the birth of their daughter Zara Louise and to Colleen and Gareth Reilly on the birth of their daughter Jodie Maria.

Belated Congratulations also to Mark and Susan McAllister who also had a baby girl - Katie -on August 2nd. Apparently Mark and Gareth had been comparing notes as both Susan and Colleen were due to give birth on the same day - it was a bit of an in joke about whose baby would arrive first ... as it turned out, the Mc Allisters won the 'race'!

Best wishes to all and a lifetime of happiness (and camogie) to all the new additions.